Category: Romantic Relationships

The Non-Negotiable List


Have you ever made a list of characteristics that describe your “ideal mate?”

My girlfriend Theresa and I did when we were sixteen. My list included really mature traits like the color of my dream date’s hair (brown) and how his derriere looked in a pair of Levi’s 501’s.

Theresa—who I’m still blessed to be friends with almost three decades later—and I had a great laugh when I dug up those old lists several years ago. I had been asked to speak to a group of Christ-following college women about how to make wise decisions about men. (I’m pretty sure they chose me because after years of making really poor relationship choices, I had finally gotten it right with my amazing husband.)

On one hand, what constitutes each woman’s ideal mate varies from person to person. But on the other hand I believe that, if you desire to walk with God for a lifetime and partner with your husband in bringing God’s kingdom here to earth, there is a list of five essential character qualities he needs to possess.

If I were advising a younger Christian woman about character qualities that are non-negotiable in the man she dates and marries, this is the list I would give her:  (more…)

No Ordinary Love


The other day I was talking with a friend about a woman we know who is leaving her husband after only three years of marriage. My friend theorized that because the woman recently lost a significant amount of weight, she now felt like she deserved someone better. He proposed that people only enter into a romantic relationship with someone they feel is their equal; they won’t ever stoop to be with someone “beneath” them.

That’s probably true for ordinary love.

But there is another kind of love…


Real Life Spotless Minds


One of my favorite movies of all time is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Besides being a really well-made movie, I find the themes it explores fascinating.

Is it truly better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? If you were given the opportunity to erase the painful memories of a romantic relationship, but in doing so would have to erase all memories of that relationship, would you take it? Would doing so make your life fuller, or emptier? Would you be destined to repeat the same “mistake”, because by having the memory erased you didn’t learn and grow from it? Are two people destined for each other, no matter how much they hurt each other?

Although fun to ponder over, answers to some of those questions were simply semantic, since it wasn’t really possible to erase a relationship from someone’s mind.

Until now. Kind of.