On Motherhood And Dying To Self, Part 2

Now where was I?

Oh yes. Falling down a deep black hole, clinging desperately to any remaining vestiges of my pre-mommy identity.

I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic. But I really did feel that way at times, in those early years of motherhood.

For me, the transition from zero kids to one kid was the most difficult; it felt like the greatest loss. But adding two more children within three years sealed my fate: My life became unrecognizable to myself. I tapped into strengths I didn’t know I possessed. But most of the time being a mom meant working out of my weaknesses.

And so this is my struggle, the question I’ve pondered over these years: What does it mean, exactly, to “die” as a mom?

If it were a matter of how to distribute a limited amount of food or shelter or other basic physical need, the answer is easier: My children get the loaf of bread, I go hungry.

But what about emotional needs? What if I give myself to or for my children so completely that I lose myself—and my sanity—in the process? How do I know how much, or which parts, of myself to sacrifice? How do I know when I’m acting selfishly, versus when I’m acting sensibly?

Does anyone else wrestle with this?

6 thoughts on “On Motherhood And Dying To Self, Part 2

  1. So glad to know I'm not the only one! I wish each of you could come over so we could hang out and talk about it and support each other in our journey!
    And Judy: So how soon does your re-released book come out?!


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